You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
