I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We got so high we made milksteak
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
