uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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