i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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