i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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