My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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