I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
