You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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