Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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