I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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