If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
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Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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