i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
