If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
