CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
