but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
