Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
