It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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