I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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