yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
