Whod you bang
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
