Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
