I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
