if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
