We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
