We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
