A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
