also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
