Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
