Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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