i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
