So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
