So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
