I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
