just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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