Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
