I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
