I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
