I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
