She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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