kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
