You're so nebulous sometimes
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize