I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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