you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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