I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
