I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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