Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
