if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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