I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
