I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
worst night to have a conscience
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
