You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
