hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
