You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
