my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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