The best revenge is premature balding
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
