i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
