i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ok first of all what the fuck
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
