Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
