***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
