I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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