So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
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