You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
