I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
