I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
