I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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