singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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