he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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