Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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