And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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