its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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