Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
