Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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