apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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