This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
